This weekend threw up some fascinating results in animal football’s Snarling Premiership.
The Merseyside clash between Slitherpool and Cleverton produced a classic. The foxes were outsmarted by the slippery skills of the snakes, who wound up 3-0 victors. They could have had more, but a fourth was disallowed by the ref, who rule that swallowing the ball and then wriggling into the goal was not fair play.
In the weekend’s top-of-the-table clash, Munchester Utd took on Arsnail, the goats running out 2-1 winners, despite having two players red-carded for eating too much of the pitch. Arsnail’s manager, Arsen Whinger, was uncharacteristically critical of his players afterwards, saying “We were too slow. It was a sluggish performance.”
At the Stadium of Heavy, bottom of the table Thunderland earned a credible 1-1 draw in their heavyweight clash with Bullton Wanderers. The elephants seemed to be heading for defeat with 5 minutes to go. But when the bulls’ centre forward was shown a red card, half the bulls charged at the ref and, once a replacement ref was found, were sent off themselves, and Thunderland managed to equalise.
In a rare defeat, Chelseal looked out of their depth in a 2-0 defeat at Blackbird Rovers.
Trottingham Hotspur also had a mare against Bearmingham City, losing 3-2 in injury time. Spurs had spent the match hoofing the ball upfield, leaving their manager with a very long face indeed.
In the weekend’s other matches, high-fliers Gull City beat Wolves 1-0, Earwigan Athletic drew 1-1 with stick insects Dullham. Barnley’s owls, managed by Dennis Wise after his move from Cleverton, defeated Asston Villa, who unsurprisingly played like donkeys. Monkchester City avoided trying to eat the potential banana-skin that was Pawsmouth, whose youngest player, John Terrier, had to be substituted when he kept fetching the ball back to his keeper. At Upton Pork, Best Ham Utd held on to earn a 0-0 draw against Stoat City.