Rich Pickings

Apparently, it has been noted by a reader of this blog that dog poop seems to make a regular occurrence. At least, I think that was the comment and not “it’s a load of dog poop”.

Should I worry about this? Is canine crap cause for concern? Hopefully not – after all, it’s only one person’s view. Having said that, he may represent 100% of my readership, so perhaps I should come clean about the dirt, and explain why doggy-do-do’s may have seeped deep into the recesses of my psyche, if that’s not too disgusting a metaphor.

The more plausible explanation relates to living with a dog with a dicky tummy for several years. Glen, my first guide dog, found his job quite exciting and this set his juices flowing. So, ten minutes into any walk we’d have to stop to ‘spend’ – a delightful euphemism you learn during guide dog training. So, I suppose Glen was a big spender, and boy, could he spend a few pounds in one go. That wasn’t too bad when he’d spend a nice lump sum – something to keep my hands warm on a cold winter’s morning. But if his tummy wasn’t quite right, he had a tendency to spend a lot of loose change.

A more traumatic reason for being apparently so full of the sticky stuff, happened when I was still at University, many years ago now, but the memory is still painfully clear to me. I was on my way to a special family meal at my girlfriend’s house. Keen to make a good impression with her parents, as I approached their house I remembered that, just the previous day, another visitor had unwittingly trodden dog dirt through the house. So, striding past the front garden, I take the precautionary step of checking the soles of my shoes. Precautionary or not, it was the last step I took, as a ring on my finger became attached to a buckle on my boot. With my girlfriend and her father looking out from the lounge window, I disappeared in an instant as I crashed to the ground behind the garden wall. Helped to my feet, I then entered the house dripping blood, but hey, at least no dog muck!

Surprisingly, they eventually allowed me to marry their daughter. So, at least I have someone special to share all this crap with.