Sunday, March 1, 2009

Crazy Dog

Well, as predicted, I couldn’t leave the vicinity of the bathroom for long enough to have my ‘trial run’ on the scheduled day. Fortunately it wasn’t too long before Huey Lewis stopped singing down the big white telephone and I was at last introduced to my potential match – a lovely yellow Labrador by the name of Foley – who, even two weeks before his eventual permanent arrival in the Bogsey household, is already affectionately known as Roly Poly Foley, Axel and Crazy Dog (ding ding).

Having waited 18 months for him, you’d think Mrs B would be happy with our prospective new arrival. But no. Having just read a book about an assistance dog that fetches shopping, does laundry and carries out life-saving first aid to its owner, she seems to think that a mere guide dog gets off rather lightly. Come to think about it, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if I could train young Foley up to do some slightly more advanced work, particularly in the office.

Job Description

Job Title: Bogsey’s Guide Dog

Main Purpose
To stop Bogsey from making a complete arse of himself.

Main Duties

1. To attract the attention of top totty, making it impossible for office babes to walk past without stopping for a friendly chat.

2. To run errands, distributing post, fetching copier paper, making coffee etc, ensuring that health and safety regulations are complied with at all times.

3. To sniff out food, ensuring that colleagues feel obliged to reveal secret stocks and share them with team mates (i.e. Bogsey).

4. To promote efficiency, bringing about an abrupt end to over-running meetings using the ‘sorry, it’s something he’s eaten’ method.

5. To prepare ruff drafts of reports and other doguments.

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